I'm going to give up now. I should. -finally-

This weekend went by fast. I did all of my homework and some advance readings. I have thought about college again. What or how my life would be when I finally go. If it is gonna be hard to live with strangers and get to know new people. Adjust.... adjust...adjust.... And speaking of which, I have to learn how to live with the real things and people around me. If it's not there, I am not going to look for it. Sometimes this could be the right attitude because not all of the things that you are looking for would be found. A childhood friend of mine, Aly, called me today. It was fun talking to her, it's just that, until the very last of the convo, she spoke no word of our language at all. I hinted to her how much I hated when Filipino's do that and she missed it. Anyway, I still enjoyed talking to her. I see more convos in the future. Hopefully, I could still go to San Diego this summer so that I could also drop by Vegas and SoCal.

I wonder why things happen.. don't tell me they happen for a reason.. they do.. but what reasons..?
I wish that when things happen, I would know the reason behind it. Good or Bad. I want to know and never guess what's going on. I hate being left out although they said that some things are better left unsaid and that what you don't know wont hurt you.

I should sleep now. I'm getting stressed again.

Adieu
-Andrea-

I can't wait to get a job! So hard without money in my pocket. I can't buy what I want = NOT MUCH TO SPEND FOR SHOPPING!! gaawwrrarrrrhhhzzz! Ampf.. Today I did little shopping and I am not satisfied. Geez.. can't wait till summer!

Duhrtduhrduhr...

-Andrea-

I'm listening to Enya right now. I need to relax since every all nighters and stress has crept up on my system and now I am sick and feverish. There is basically eleven more weeks to go before graduation and everything is going by so fast. Next week will be midterms and science fair district competition. Today is my only day to relax and for two weeks nobody will be able to see me cause I will be running away from the crowd to attend to my school stuff. April is approaching very fast, meaning- all of the worries will be soon going away. Yesterday, I went to the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. It is a really large campus and the population is amazingly comprised of nearly all ASIANS! I totally fit in the crowd. LOL. The only concern I have is that in a big school I will be a small fish and to establish a 'name' will be a struggle. I still do not know exactly if that is where I really want to go because of my financial situation. Anyway... Life has been alright since the last dilemma. I wonder if it'll stay like this. Well, certainly it wont. Summer...ah.. I am anticipating for it so much. I wish that I could still go to San Diego to see my G.ma because she is very lonely over there and also of course, I want to travel before I become busy for the next 9 years. whahah! I am almost done with the first step... I wish for the second one to be accomplished soon. I miss all my friends. I have not been hanging out with a lot of them since my senior year started. Yesterday was the only day that I had the chance to hangout with the two of the three other filipino seniors that are tagged as the coolest flips! hahah! NIKKA,ANNE,ASH, and myself of course are the best filipino seniors that are graduating for 09'. We got to eat sushi yesterday. I hate wasabe and I was pretty clear on that.. but.. my dear flips splattered my sushi with wasabe when I went to the comfort room. How nice right? So then I didnt know that there was wasabe on my sushi.. I proceeded on eating it and after a couple of seconds, my ears spurted smoke just like how a train's chimney does. I was so red and I almost cried (actually I did cry) hahah! It was a very fun day except for waiting in the cold for a cab. Those cabs wouldnt take us because we were heading north! How dumb.. Its not like we are not gonna pay. DUH. So i called for one and it came right when we were inside another cab. I immediately fell asleep when I got home. I woke up the next day very sick but still went to school. Now I am having a fever! =[ hmmmmm..... but thats ok! hehe

I cannot wait to see him wearing what I got him! <3

Toodlles

-Andrea-

I just found out that I cannot pursue pharmacy. Pharmacy is way different from surgery and so studying pharmacy will not be advisable if I want to prepare for neurosurgery. In addition, the number of years that I will be spending in school for pharmacy will be the same number of years that I am supposed to spend for neuroscience as a major. If I will do pharmacy first, I will not be done with school until I reach the age of 40! Oh my.. I do not think that I would want that. My decision, or at least my plan, right now is to study psychology, biology, or physiology in order to prepare me for med school. I did not think that it would be hard to choose. If anything, I should pursue a year of studies at UIC or UIUC and then apply again at the University of Rochester for next year as a transferee. Right! That's what I have to do. There are a number of schools I should try applying at for my 2nd year. It is not gonna be all fun and games. This is the path I chose..the career I am going to pursue.. I should do what I have to do and forget the unnecessary. 

neurosurgery! here I come!

-Andrea-

Things are going back to normal now but it does not mean that it was abnormal before. I just thought that since last year, I have been living in my world of wishful thinking. I have lived in a world where there was only the happiness, laughter, and dreams. It seemed too perfect. I am finally realizing the vitality of giving myself importance and recognition to all the efforts that I have exerted in the past. I have thought of the things that I let slip away because I was too preoccupied with my "world". I knew at one point that this has to stop because it is so unhealthy anymore. I have gotten restless and depressed. Why should I feel this way? If I have done more than enough then it just means that I have to stop. I gave it my all and it  was still kept unaccountable. Enough is enough like what they said. In addition, I have more time for myself now. My worries are less, although I would not hide the fact that I still think about him. I cannot just stop and that is just normal. At this moment, I am a little bit still wondering what happened. It has been two weeks since the last conversation. When I start to think about the last words I told him, I cannot help but want to slap myself. I sounded so desperate. I was desperately pleading and begging not to be left alone because I cannot be alone. I constantly have to be with someone. I proved myself wrong. When I am alone, just like right now, I feel better. I could think better. Recently, I watched this particular movie about guys not being into a girl. It got me thinking up to the point where I was answering the questions posted on the screen. " If he is not calling you... if he is not messaging you.. if he is avoiding you.."  It was so true. After that  movie, I stopped all of communications. I have successfully managed to stop leaving offline messages, text messages, and calls. I am proud of myself right now. I have accomplished something so hard to do I thought impossible to happen. Anyways, the drama has come to an end. =]

Today I ate sushi with my old friends and was really embarrassed to have my credit card declined. XD Lucky I have my debit card with me and some cash. I cannot wait till I get the income tax money! Darn! One thing that makes me happy right now is the fact that I have also successfully raised my grades. All of the horrible C's are gone! I also started my pharmacy tech class today which is good because I am making even more progress. Things are starting to line up pretty well now.  I got accepted at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and I am ecstatic about the future dorm life!

I got a good comment today! Mommy's friends said from the last time they saw me, which was last year , I got skinnier and looking much happy and vibrant! Oh all the good things!

Tata for now..my tete-a-tete with my blog is done for tonight.

Adieau

Andrea

Why bother? tsk -___-
I wanna get out of this "house" ASAP.

Anyways.. break is boring! I wanna go back to school!

Toodles!

-Andrea-

It's raining meeen! I can't explain why the rain, at this moment, lifts my spirit up! It just looks "nice" outside. Anyways, this is the last day of school this week. We are having a five day weekend! yey! I shouldn't procrastinate though. I should take advantage of these days to do advance homeworks, rest, and do some exercise. =P

K... so it's been long since I visited my martial arts dojo and so I went there today to see my old students and teachers. I was not very excited to see them really. I guess nowadays I am getting less and less excited about so many things except graduation of course. I just hate my school too much that's why I want to get out of there as fast as I can... *sswiiiish*.... Speaking of school, I think I am starting to perform better and better in every class, even in AP Calculus! =O hahah!
I just have to bring my AAA game on. I do not like disappointments anymore. If I wanna be happy, I have to make myself happy and that means raising my grades and making my parents proud of me. Other than this, I guess I really don't have much to say aside from the happenings at home which is not so intense anymore. My parents are much more linient now that they have seen that I am mature and more responsible. They even let me have my own credit card! wow! hmmm... with friends.. I don't see a lot of them or should I say all of them. LOL. I miss them but in the summer I am sure we will hang out most of the time. =] Although I miss my friends in Brampton specially my bestfriend Meii and Ate Ira. I miss them a lot. =[ I cannot go back there in the summer cause I have to work and maybe enroll in an advance class at the University so that I could start early. In less than 4 months I will be graduating and in 5 months I will be another year older... oh noooees!

What else.. oh.. I quit my job too! I cannot deal with people who does not know how to compromise, be considerate, and reasonable! I am never coming back to that place. I think that is it for now.


Toodles!

-Andrea-

I just updated my blog! Weebeee! Looking forward to my five day weekend!
Hopefully everything goes well from now on.. For the meantime, I gotta run back to school!
Meeting at 6 pm sharp!



Toodles <3

-Andrea-

I missshouuuu Bessy! ;(

Right now Im just gonna write how disappointed I am at myself. I am slacking off big time! I shouldn't even be here. I am not satisfied with my grades and how I perform as an individual. I am so not contented whatsoever. Nothing and nobody can make me happy at this moment. I should get off  the unecessary stuff here in the internet. ( note: second attempt) 

k bye for now. homework should be first. A's will be back!

-goodbye-

Self-pity has always been a girl’s problem,

Never really contented on what she has.

Is it because she is not as skinny?

Is it because she is not as pretty?

 

 

Jealousy has always been a girl’s concern,

Never really stopped assuming.

Is it because she is not good enough?

Is it because she is not who you really want?

 

 

Denial has always been a girl’s downfall,

Never really saw it as a consequence.

Is it because she is not as wise?

Is it because she is not as clever?

 

 

Love has always been a girl’s losing game,

Never really seem as fair.

Is it because she is not less forgiving?

Is it because she is not at all complaining?

 

 

Even the wise men are not aware,

I just need you to listen and be there.

Don’t leave for the pretty ones you see,

Because I need you here to stay with me. 

So who can answer me why I am always self pitying? Is it not stupid to do so? I hate myself sometimes cause I am not as skinny, I don't have the perfect skin, I am not that pretty or not really pretty. I hate how I criticize myself like this. Whenever I see those girls with nice face like everything is perfect... no matter what I tell myself I still cant stop thinking they are way better. 

ugh! 

dammit

I should have never lied to myself.

I started yoga today.. and most probably the only hour of my day that was spent wisely. Im so bored. I dont like being idle. I cleaned, cooked, read, watched tv, IM, .. im still bored. If only I have something like a DDR or Karaoke.

Someone entertain me!
-Andrea-

Been long since I posted something here! =O .. I usually update every two day but since the day after new years while I was in Brampton with my Bessy Mei Mei, I completely forgot about this.Its not exactly big of a deal cause nobody ever reads this. lol. Then what's the point in writing? whatever.. ok anyways I should really write an update.

My winter holiday was extremely fun! Even if we didnt really go to some tourist spots since it was my first time in Canada, I was very happy. I got to be with my long time no see Bessy. I was able to bond with Ate Ira and Ced. Moreover, I'm so happy I had a chance to meet two new wonderful people, Paul and Tyler. They are awesome! They brought me to this sushi place, 168, and right after I think I craved for sushi everyday! ahhahaha! Tyler drives us around and it was fun. Paul was a bit too shy and doesnt talk as much but I appreciate it when he does. =] Ate is really good in baking. I have not baked anything in 3 years since I came here to Chicago. I baked a cake for Paul, and thank goodness it tasted good.. according to him it tasted good. It made me feel good knowing I did something that satisfied another and to even know that it was the first time someone actually baked something for him. Cedric was really fun to be with! My inner child comes out whenever I play DDR or eat cereals with Ced. I was touched when he said that it will be not as fun when I leave. I wasnt at all happy when I left either. Brampton felt like home to me because my bestfriend is there. I was at rest and I found the place very peaceful. Chicago is more like a very busy place to me where I cant ever stop and think for a while. Even when I could, I dont thing it is ever or it will ever be enough. Summer is approaching fast and I know I will be coming back to Brampton, but first prom and graduation!

Prom and graduation is in 4 months! I just cant wait! I want to start the so called University/College life my friends talk about. I know it will be a big change but I am ready for it! So ready for it! As of now I have only gotten one acceptance letter. Im not worried since its still early. Senior High is passing by very fast. Next week is the end of the first semester. Second semester will be another chance for me to improve. Eliminate the bad grades, less work hours, less money spent, and more time saved. I am excited for everything! I actually cannot contain myself whenever I talk about this. For prom... I am excited cause Paul will be coming here in Chicago! I have so many places to show him and I'll make sure that his stay over here will be worthwhile! ; ) Right after graduation I will be flying back to Canada with Paul. Its time to see my dearest Bessy Mei Mei again. And what Im mostly looking forward to is the much anticipated SOCCER GAME vs. THE GUYS.. whahah! I could use some of my murdering fouls.. lol.. kidding! Also the turbo jam, DDR, rock band, and baking sessions with my Bessy and Ate. Cereal talks with Ced is exciting too!.. aaah.. I just cant wait until all of this months are over.. I want it to be May now... then June.. and July I turn a year older.. oh my... im 19!!


As of now things are going well. Hopefully they last long...


** 95% ..... **

See you soon
-Andrea-

Happy New Year! Its 2009 and everything should start in a good way.

My 2008 was overall, I guess, is ok. It was not very fun, but it also wasnt sad. It was a year full of ups and downs. The last days of the year was well spent. I spent my days with the closest friend... My bestfriend that lives here in Brampton. I love Brampton because it is really peaceful here. The fact that Paul lives here plays a part. I dont really know how I feel at the moment but I know I do like him an awful lot. In 4 days I will be going back to Chicago. Im gonna be back to my normal life. Not so fun, less adventure, no bessy, no panda, no ate, and no C-Bit.. very sad but then at least I know I can always come here as long as time, money, and PARENTS permits. =P.....

Expectations for this year..
I expect things to be better. I want to stay in touch with Paul because I always feel so good and relaxed when Im with him. I dont feel that thump in my chest which is good because it means I am not nervous around him anymore( only when theres a lot of people with us) I am planning to come back here in Brampton for the summer. I would love to see my awesome bessy, ate, C Bit, Paul and Tyler. =] Sushi day was fun. <3

Resolutions.
I have to do Turbo jam from now on.
I have drink lots of water.
I have to eat less sweets. =[
I have to behave.
I have to be less stressed,( learn to eliminate the bad stuff)
I have to stop thinking too much.



The rest...
I guess I just have to wait and see what to improve..Before I notice it the New Year 2010 is gonna be right around the corner. It will be another year of ups and downs but I will learn from it.

Thanks 2008

Adieu
-Andrea-

It's my third day here in Brampton and the day is almost over. I am having so much fun here, the only reason why I wanna go back to Chicago is mainly because of my family. I love it here. I love being with my bestfriend Charmaine and the people around her. =] When I came here on the 25th, I couldnt believe that Im finally seeing my Bessy after 7 years! We got home, did our usual chikahan, and did our rituals together. When we woke up the next day we went shopping at Bramalea for Boxing Day! It was so fun! The next day, the 27th, we had a little party here at their house. Again, it was so fun! I finally met Paul. It was kind of embarassing cause when him and Tyler came in I was trying to rap and so he heard everything. But then again, of course, since I was so shy and turned red. I tried fighting my shyness and I won! haha! I talked to him very casually and I even asked him to walked with me outside when knees started hurting from sitting down. We went outside and walked around the neighborhood and had time to talk about things. He is very nice. It was of course way better than talking to him over MSN. I got to hear his voice in person. =]I baked him a cake cause it was his birthday. It wasnt perfect but I tried to make the design look like a panda. It looks really nice. We sang him happy birthday and it was funny cause he blew the candles even before we finished singing! LOL... Anyways.. I will make sure because I have to , I need to, and I want to see him again. Tomorrow is Sushi Day. Hopefully it as fun or even more than yesterday. I cant wait for tomorrow.. Looking forward to it so much. <3


Adieu
-Andrea-

Today I officially quit my job and tomorrow will be my last day. I just got promoted but I have to do what I have to do. My grades are suffering not that much but I wont wait till they totally deteriorate to the bottom. That is just not me. Anways... 3 more days before my anticipated trip.
Finally! Im not gonna write a lot. Im gonna save space till the end of the year! =]



Packing my things!
So excited! I just cant hide it! ^___^
-Andrea-

Weee! 4 days before Christmas! Meaning 4 days to go before C-A-N-A-D-A!!! So excited to the max! Gonna go bond with my bessy =] Hopefully I feel better before I leave Chicago cause I have colds right now. I got sick because I was outside for a long time yesterday waiting for the bus. On the bright side, after 5 months of being so busy, I got to see my closest friend here in Chicago and also shop for clothes too! And I got 2 new pretty purses! =D.mmm.. School is over for thw winter break right now but I have lots of homework, so that means bringing my books with me.. gaah.. its ok.. I have to study anyways!


kk Laterz.. have to start packing my stuff now!


Excited muchooo
-Andrea-

hmm.. I said I wont be writing till after 2 weeks. But hey! I held up for ten days! That is good enough. I guess ..*wink*

Update:

The whole week I have been so busy for school and my recent promotion at my job got me busier. Now I actually close the store by myself and I manage to do a good job! =] In school I have been studying more than how I used to because I have to maintain good grades and continue my established impression with my peers and teachers. I pretty much made more than good enough impression to them. I am never the loud type in school, except when I just ate KitKat =_=... I can get pretty excited about evrrrrythaang! Oh well. Today, yesterday and the day before I just stayed home doing nothing but homework, chores, and of course sleep( when I can). I work 4-5 days a week now and its a regular schedule. Unlike before I could call in whenever I feel like Im not well, but now I have to be there all the time. Kind of hard to adapt but I can do it fasho! Anyways. I also finished my laundry and Science Fair paperwork. Tonight Im pulling another all nighter. Im just taking a break right now just to refresh my mind from too much homework and then back again. And oh! i have to do dishes in 5 minutes. See? Everything is planned ahead for me. In 10 days I will be in Canada and just plain having fun so this week i will be giving my all for school stuff! Aja! I can do this! Oh Christmas! I cannot wait no more! Also, I am doing early decision for U of Rochester and * cross fingers* I wishI get in. What a wonderful place to study. Pristine and full of people with the extremes in terms of intellect. =]

i have to wash dishes now... after.. i have to study for AP Chem. (this time I am going to ace my test!)

Bringing my AAA game ON!!

goodnight world
-Andrea-