KUYA JON! C-Bizkit Bro! YOU INSPIRE ME SO MUCH! this "notitle" note is from you and it is so touching! <3
Goodluck finding her! =)

Another morning, another year, another beginning, another you
Another excuse to face your fears, another heartwarming adieu
Another bittersweet romance, another scarring loss
Another day, another chance, another benefit exchanged from costs
Another night, another date, another nostalgic memory
Another fight, another wake, another moment in reverie

And perhaps in some other time, we'll meet each other once again
You and I will be reborn and hope to find another life to end
But for now enjoy this moment, wrapped in carnal winter scars
Let's sew the wounds back together, riding in forever's car
And if being on your own meant more than what I missed
Let's bind ourselves back together, and spend eternity in bliss

What does it mean to really care about someone? I learned this before, but I seemed to have forgotten.

But I remember now. It isn't necessarily what you want or what makes you feel good, or what they can do for you or what you do for them, but it's is wanting what's best for the other person. Putting yourself on the line for the sake of another. Even if it hurts you, you do what's best for the other person. Simply put- Self-Sacrifice.

My stand on what I believe is best for me, I've...never staggered from it, despite all this time and the let-down. The way I believe in it, just..stands, even if I've fallen.

You deserve the world. I'm sorry I couldn't give it. I just want you to find what's best for you. Even if it isn't us.

Hmm.. I am a little bit early for my weekly post. =P Anyway... I have a month left for school and then graduation! Hooray! But first, I must finish all exams. I am done with my Pharmacy Tech class and thank you Lord I got a B for my final grade. Today was the certification/license exam for it and I feel good about it. I guess I passed =) Tomorrow there will be another exam but this time it's at the university. It's just a placement exam so I shouldn't be pressured..or too pressured. LOL. Once tomorrow is done, the rest of my days should go like a breeze and then exams again. AP exams are fast approaching but then again, hopefully, I get a 3 for each or higher so I could save some time and money from the uni credits. Money is always the issue. (N) I figured that I really despise becoming a nurse! I have no idea why. I think because I have a stubborn and headstrong attitude towards becoming a neurosurgeon and pursuing neuroscience as my major is all hell bent for me at this moment. I spoke to this one lady named Angela who is graduating in 3 weeks from med school and she did neuro too. She told me that it is 16 years to become a neurosurgeon and so she kinda swayed her ambition a little bit but almost same as before. It is a tedious kind of major and it requires determination and patience. I think I have both so I will be fine. K.. why does it all have to be school that I mention all the time? Ahh.. because other than this I have nothing else to say or blabber about.

Mei got me addicted to surveys haha! Hi Meng IMY na!

1. Where's your bestfriend?
- probably essaying

2. Who is she with?
- by herself or with tita and tito

3. What time is it?
- 1:46 am

4. Who is the last person you kissed?
- Paul

5. Where's your school?
- Chicago

6. Were you ever a stalker?
- once! lol.. for this one kid me and my other friend used to have a crush on
..fun times..

7. Who were you stalking?
- this Bulgarian kid Ibraim

8. Taken?
- nope. single but not available.

9. By who?
- none

10. Are you bored?
- not really

11. What sport do you play?
- sports*- soccer, vball, badminton, karate, TKD, sotfball

12. Anyone you're mad at?
- none

13. Are you drunk?
- no

14. When's your summer class starting?
- hmm.. 2nd week of June?

15. Do you play softball?
- used to... but didnt really like it

16. Are you depressed?
- no.. not at the moment?.. i have episodic depression

17. Are you friends with your ex?
- yes

18. Who's your favorite actress?
- hmm.. i dont know exactly..

19. What's your favorite movie?
- Tears of the Sun... ahmm.. Saving Private Ryan. ( i love war movies)

20. How old is your boyfriend/girlfriend?
- have none

21. How old are you?
- soon to be 19

22. Where's your mother?
- in their room sleeping

23. Your brother?
- sleeping beside me

24. Do you have a sister-in-law?
- no

25. How are you?
- im alright

26. Jockers are so X(, right?
- i dont know what jockers are

27. Do you like Harry Potter?
- Yesss

28. Do you dislike anyone right now?
- i might

29. Do you like anyone right now?
- yes

30. Do you LOVE anyone right now?
- Yes

31. Does his name start with M?
- no

32. Do you enjoy watching Gossip Girl?
- i hate it

33. Who did you last talk to?
- ate ira

34. What did you say?
- im going to do this survey

35. Did you go shopping today?
- no

36. Are you heart broken?
- yes

37. Ever two timed?
- no

38. Bad gurl?
- no

39. Do you still like Chris Brown?
- No

40. Jenny Humphrey is beautiful. True or False?
-false cause i dont like her *jajajaj*


Random fact: The best ice cream flurries in the world is the one that I buy from the ice cream truck that passes by my house. <3

It's not Adieu this time.

I'll be back! =)

-Andrea-

I do not really know how I am going to start this update. I really thought that I am fine now after all the contemplation I have done. Actually, I am not. I miss Paul dearly. If I could just turn back time and take every single thing I said back inside my head, refine it, and say it again. If I will be given another chance to talk to him again and meet him... I think I will change the way we were introduced.. I will change my attitude towards him.. set it on the right foot... start as friends and be friends until time decides of what will become of us. If I could just do all of that.. but I can't. Paul if you're reading this.. which i think you are not but still... I hope we could set things straight and be friends again. I am not happy that we never really talked again for some months now. I have so much questions.. if's and but's.. why's and how's.. I can't answer them myself.. I need help. I hate asking you please this..please that... and more please. I always seem to beg for something and I hate it. But anyway.. How are you? I know you said your life is repetitive, but I am sure there will be something new once in a while. How's work... school... how's life?
Last night I wanted to call cause I wanted to hear your voice. As usual, I brokedown again but this time I was crying inside so no one sees. I have been like this for a couple months... I am hopeless, am I not? You affected me so much.. and you are still affecting me somehow.. wait.. not somehow but greatly. I dream about you but they are all sad dreams.. You were always leaving in my dream..sometimes you had your back on me.. sometimes you smile and you leave.. and then I cry..always like that. Sometimes I wish I never met you, but if i hadn't, then my life would be less interesting. Do you agree? I miss you dearly. I really do.


..They say bad things happen for a reason.But no wise words will stop the bleeding...coz you've moved on and im still grieving..and when a heart breaks.. no.. it doesnt break even.. im barely breathing..

-Andrea-

Today is another day that I should be thankful to God. Last night my Aunt Elen in the Philippines called and she was crying. She told us that all nine of my cousins and two uncles almost died from drowning. They were all saved and I thank God for that. I couldn't believe the news and I just can't stop myself from shaking even after calling them and knowing that they were all alright. I cried while talking to them. I miss them specially my cousins. We all grew up together and they are my closest friends. The feeling of loosing all of them at the same time just scared me very much. Thank God they are all alive. I spent all night tossing and turning in my bed wondering and thinking about them. I am calmed now but the withdrawal from the two large latte's I had last night has taken its effect on me. Anyway, like I said, they are all safe and sound now. =)

It's been a week or so that I have posted something here. Considering that it is still spring break I should be relaxing. I am relaxed but all of this week I just studied and I am still studying. I am just taking a break from it. =P I will share something random right now. Every time I dream, my dream always helps me in finding the answer to something or sometimes it is a foreshadow of what is coming. I have few dreams that I remember right now...

Dream 1: "The Beautiful Baby Boy with Green Eyes: My Son"
I dreamt about a beautiful baby boy for about 5 times in the same year ( last year). At first I was scared cause I thought that I am gonna get pregnant! But then I told myself that I cant and I wont because it is not yet in my list of plans for the future. I continued dreaming about this baby and every time I dream I would only focus on looking at his eyes. His eyes were green. The most significant dream from the 5 dreams I had that I could vividly remember was the last one. I actually saw myself being in the delivery room giving birth. The baby came out and the doctor gave him to me. He was beautiful. He has the most gorgeous green eyes I have ever yet seen in my life. He has the most beautiful face I have ever touched. I was really happy. The feeling of motherhood rushed over me... but then it was dream. I woke up and I touched my stomach.. "I was dreaming.." I went back to sleep and dreamt another dream. Interpretation? Well the baby signified a new challenge in my life which could be because of school, family or a new relationship. The numerous times that I have seen the baby's green eyes meant that I always think about a certain person with green eyes ( Paul is the only one I knew with green eyes back then and I have always thought about him and until now but not so much..not as much) The color of the eyes could also mean money or greed. As soon as I learned about these interpretations I became less and less scared. I am not gonna be a mother soon.. phew! Thank God I wont.

Dream 2: "My Grandfather and My Falling Tooth"
I dreamt about this last year too. I was awaken by my mother's cries in the middle of the night; my grandpa has passed away because of cancer. I woke up crying too and I did not really know why. My mom told us what happened and I remembered my dream. It was very short. My grandpa, and my tooth falling. Interpretation? My family believes in superstitions. A falling tooth means death. When I saw my grandpa in my dream and my tooth fell, I knew already what was going to happen. Rest In Peace now my grandpa.. I love you very much and I miss you!

Dream 3: "My Bestfriend's Wedding"
Now this dream took place just last December while I was in Canada. I visited my bestfriend for a week after seven years of not seeing each other. I wonder how I could remember the dream ever so clearly. It was her wedding day and I would say that we were already at the wedding reception. I came up to her and Tyler ( the groom) and talked to them. Conversationally, this is what I said: "The two of you, love each other like there is no more tomorrow. Tyler, take care of Charmaine. I love both of you. Have babies soon! hahah! I want to be an Aunt already. I am giving you these plane tickets for your honeymoon trip to Europe. I picked 3 countries. Germany, because I know you, Tyler, that you'd love to visit Germany so bad ever since. France, so MeiMei could go shopping at the shopping capital of the world, Paris. Russia, last but not the least. I picked Russia as the third country because this is where I wanted to go but not all by myself. Enjoy every moment that you'd spend with each other forever. Cherish each others existence. I love you both. Be happy eternally. " I was very happy for Charmaine an Tyler in that dream. I was going to walk away and let them be but Tyler said something. "How about you? When are you gonna be happy again Andrea? It has been 12 years since...." Tyler said. I knew what he said and I understood it. I turned around and there he was. Paul was behind me. I woke up. Interpretation? I am not sure. This could be something in the future. I will be happy for Mei and Ty if they do get married. As for me.. I dont see the part of my dream, where the focus was on me, happening. I am alright.

Dream 4: "My Bestfriends Wedding 2"
It is funny how I had a second dream for this one after a couple of months after. I dreamt about the exact same thing, only that it was extended. The whole exact scenario happened and whatever happened after that, I cant remember clearly. Some parts of it I could remember was the saddest one. Charmaine finally spoke in this dream. She told me that Paul was behind me and I should talk to him. I told Mei that I still have a surgery to perform in a couple of hours and I have to prepare for it. And so I hugged Mei and Tyler really tight and then walked away after looking at Paul in a very calm manner. I even smiled and nodded. I walked to my car of which, if I can vaguely remember, was grey. A grey sports car. I went inside and as soon as I held onto the steering wheel, I broke down. Little did I know that Paul followed me. He knocked on the car window... and I woke up. Interpretation? Again, I am not sure. But then it is just a continuation of my previous dream.

My dreams might serve as warnings, foreshadows... but no one could tell about the future really. Even if everything for me is planned already at the moment. I panned to enroll myself at the nursing school of the university to get my BSN and then take a year for masters to get to the highest level for nursing. After that I will go ahead and study for neuro at a nice med school, supporting myself from the salary I will make as a nurse. Working and studying. That is how my life will be for the next decade and then become known and successful, finally helping my family better.

Blueprint of my life, you could say, eh?


Meanwhile.. here's 25 random facts about me.
1. I am scared of riding bikes cause I do not know how to turn.   
2. I wear so many grey, black, and purple shirts when my fave colour is GREEN
3. I had to repeat saying the Ku Klux Klan before I was able to pronounce it properly.
4. My feet is bigger than my AP Chem teacher's feet. LOL
5. I got locked up inside the bathroom for hitting my cousin in the head with a can. =P
6. I did a flying kick in first grade and landed on my butt. 
7. The Hebrew script on my screen name means "I am Iron". I want it as my first tattoo
8. My industrial piercing lasted only for 2 months after my dad made me take it off. -sigh-
9. I can only get attracted to a particular set of eyes. 
10. I kicked my school bus driver right in the nose during 4th grade
11. The first time I had sushi was last December at 168
12. I hate MILEY CYRUS! She cant fucking sing! 
13. I was speechless after seeing Bi Rain at the Incheon Intl Airport in Korea. <3
14. I used to have a fro.
15. My fave flower is a yellow rose.
16. I cant do DDR
17. I beat up a black belt in TKD once and she called me a cheater. HELLZ NOO DOOD!     aaaah beat yo ass fair and square!
18. One time, because I wanted to go ride the roller coaster, I told the theme park guy that I was 13 but a midget thats why I was short. (Japan days)
19. I was trying to catch this one airport guy's attention and I tripped..face first.
20. When I was little, my aunts used to call me DeaLight because I laugh when I see the lightbulb. I had slight jaundice as a baby.. so i was like a chick being incubated.
21. I have a mole inside my ears, beneath my left eye, middle of my nose, and lower lip. they said that if you have a mole near one of you senses, you must be good at listening ( mole by ear), smell (by nose), seeing ( eyes) and speaking( lips).. and yet.. i lack all of them
i lack the "being good at listening, watching, speaking, smelling stuff" CRAP
22. Im scared of clowns
23. I havent had soda for more than 7 yrs
24. My fave ice cream is Chocolate chip cookie dough
25. My bed sheet covers are blue


Adieu
-Andrea-

It has been a while since my last post here. I have been really busy and tired for the past couple of weeks and writing here just seemed like an extra load. Now that I finally have time to do so, I would. =)

Alright. So about two weeks ago I had an argument with my mom about the same thing over and over. I was studying day and night to pass all of my midterm exams and to prepare for the city science fair competition. Both of this ( the exams and science fair) happened in the same week. My mother told me that to be smart is not enough to prove that I am a good daughter. Sometimes I question myself, why does my mother get mad when I study like there is no tomorrow? Is it not for the benefit of all of us when that one day comes and I am already a successful neurosurgeon? She wants me to do the chores and I said I would. When I did not do it as fast as she wanted me to do it she got mad. I told here I would finish studying first then I will do the chores. Arguments erupted right there and then. I felt like I was alone. My dad sympathizes with my mother all the time and so I decided to just bottle everything up but this was a bad idea. During the exam week I was in a very bad mood and even innocent people suffer from my anger. I actually yelled at a classmate for the stupidest reason. I cried when I got home. The next day was the first day of the science fair. Even then, I carried my anger with me that was still bottled up inside. My friend Slavi dropped me off back at my house. The moment my dad saw me he asked me right away why I was like that to my mom. Why I was like that to my mom? What in the world did I do? I did not even raise my voice. I was just looking down and crying at my own misery. I reasoned out to my dad and told him that I will not say sorry because I was not at fault this time and that my mom needs to know when she is suppose to be the one to apologize. Although, in the end, I was the one to put the white flag down and approached my mom. After that, everything was ok again in the house. Moving on to life in school.... I am doing better I think. I have one C left and the rest are A's and B's. I did not win any cash prize at the science fair but I managed to snag a silver award. The science fair was not really very fun. The fun part was being with one of my nicest friends, Slavi. He picked me up and drove me back home during those science fair days. I do not know why, but I think I am crushing on Slavi little by little everyday. It seems like I am always glad to see him whenever I do. I talk about him a lot too. I just feel good when he is around. He is my prom date too! wow.. Life is really a rollercoaster, you do not know when it is uphill or downhill, everything is just a surprise and a jolt of a heartbeat. At this moment, the only problem I have is about my tuition fee for college which was estimated to be 26K a year. Where am I going to get that amount? My parents do not make a lot and so I would have to work 2 jobs from AM to PM so I could save up enough money to support my miscellaneous expenses and not ask my parents for more. It is already a burden to them to ask for my tuition fee. At least, i should handle the rest. The little things. I hope that I could get the scholarships I applied for.

There is HOPE

A-dieu

-Andrea-