December is on its way! =)

Hello, hello! It has been a month since I last wrote here. Shocking isn't it? Anyway, I am free from work and homework right now, so......... Let the updates begin! =)

Oh November:

The month of November was a very busy month for me. Midterms, papers, and presentations were all due at the same time. I also had to work almost 5 days a week! Hectic! Very hectic! Oh, soooo hectic schedule! I am just glad I managed to survive. School and work really took my mind off of the things that upsets me. I also have my friends from H.C that helped me heal even though only a little. I am still a bit sad about whatever happened 3 months ago, but I am getting there. I am no longer bitter over that happening. I will be going back to Brampton in about a month to see my family and friends. If I see him there, it will be just like meeting a stranger through friends. That meeting with a stranger should not bother me. It should be fun! Besides, I am going there to leave stress behind and just have that whole 2-week stay a memorable one. I really like Brampton. One day, when I get enough money, I will buy a house in Brampton and it will be ONE of my "escape pods." I do not know why I am not very talkative or expressive of my feelings right now. I guess this what the busyness from school and work did to me. It made me feel a bit less emotional.

The workplace:

The Coffee Beanery and Bath&Body Works are the name of the places where I work. This coming Friday, the infamously called BLACK FRIDAY after Thanksgiving, will be very busy! I am working from 5:15am-10:00am at Bath&Body Works, and then from 3:00pm-10:00pm I am going to be working at the coffee shop. This is what I call the "make money day." It will be very tiring, but at the same time fun. I will be doing lots of demos and conversions at our store which is exciting! I just hope to find time to do a little shopping that day. =)

Family:

All I can say about my family is that I LOVE THEM. Enough said. <333

**special place**

To my Grandma Atang. I know you are in a better place now with Lolo Bino. I am proud of how long you fought against your sickness. I am proud that you held on long enough to wait for Aunt Esther and Uncle Ernie to come back. Lola, please continue to watch over us. We love you. Please hug Lolo Bino for me. I have been good, Lola. I am sorry for not being able to make it back there. Thanks for everything.

Friends:

H.C is the place to be... for NERDS like me. Hahah! Oh, well. I love the "loud lounge" and the people that stays there: My unni Cristin Matthews, Mahdis (our very own nuclear physicist), Manu (the debate master- a MAC lover. LOL.), Yijia and John (lovers #1), Tanya and Kevin (lovers#2), dear little brother Saif, Alex Kim (the house B-boy), Brian Killian (satire master), Aneesh (tamiflu guy with a druggie for a roomie), Oliver my kuya dearest, Ate Kat (my gym buddie), Ekua (the brain surgeon partner), Dan (my pretend gay friend), Akshay (where's my CALC 3 book?), Chyei (filipina chika), Amulya (not Alumya), Jo Oh (Uh-oh couch), Chen (my fave badminton buddy) and the most positive person on Earth, D'feau (he has a wonderful story behind his name, trust me!) I also cannot miss my dearest best college bud, Nienke Sahelijo. I just simply love her! I often invade her dorm room. Hahah! But that wont happen anymore next year because we are going to room together in an off-campus apartment. Yes! Apartment! Yey! I cannot wait!

Myself:

I am doing great in general. My grades are surprisingly still high. I am not gonna be on probation from H.C at all. The hope for Johns Hopkins is still alive. I am not burned out at all, by the way. My friends told me I have been overloading myself with coursework, work, and workout. It is a never ending WORK for me. It's alright. I have seen the results and they are all good. One, my grades are good. Two, I am saving money. Three, I lost weight and toned my muscles. Great right? Of course!

December is on its way:

Like I said, I will be going back to Brampton on the 26th of December and I cannot wait. A 2-week vacation that is stress free and fun. One more month to go. =)

Love:

Is not in the air. At least not this time. I still have not gotten over it, but it is getting there. Heart on my sleeves... Heart out to be hurt... Heart.. Heart... Heart... Why should my heart be the one to run things? Why can't it be my brain? BRAIN! Yes! BRAIN! Okay, brain. Start your work now. =P

-Andrea

Why I do..

I am having one of those days, or nights, again. I can't accept the fact that I miss Paul despite of all the hurtful things that he did to me. I really miss him a lot. I want to call. I wan to send a text message. I want to hear him explain why he did that to me. I really do not know what I've done or did not do to deserve this kind of treatment. I thought I was a fairly nice person... I was doing alright until today. I broke-down just moments ago. I cried silently and wiped my tears as quickly as they came out. I am so sorry. I feel so pathetic now. Why... you're not worth it anyway. This kills me. ... and because it does. I die each and every single day just thinking about this whole dilemma.

I am so hurt. Paul, why? Tell me why... at least that you owe me.

-Andrea-

Sushi for LOVE!

Hello, hello! October is going by really fast. We are entering the second week, and so far every thing is well. I passed my calculus exam with an A+. Good for me! All my other classes are going great, too. I am enjoying this busy mode and now that I have a second job, every thing will be even more busier. Today was a happy day even though it was raining hard in Chicago. I had sushi and bubble tea with my friends. It was so fun! I really like being around the same people everyday. We are gonna make this lunch congregation a regular Friday thing. I like this idea so much! I am excited! =)

I really cannot think of what to say right now. But I do have a lot to say. I will update later.

-Andrea-

Hello October!

Midterm exams are almost over with only two of them left: chemistry and humanities. I am not so worried about those two because I believe that I will do well. There is no reason for me to fail them because I have prepared for more than a week and ever since school started. Calculus exam was not so bad at all. I thought I would see some weird problems with trigonometric functions and pi's. Haha! There was not a single one of them in the exam. I even memorized the unit circle which could come in handy during the latter part of this course, and so it was not a waste. I am happy that I am starting to like calculus like how much I like chemistry. Surprisingly, I also like my other classes. The only one that bores me out of my wits is my humanities class. My professor is nice but then what will I learn from him just being nice? He talks the whole time about things that enters my right ear and leaves from the left. Anyway, I think I can get by with it. What's fun is that I got a second job to add to my juggling act. I am working everyday now with school and gym, too. I want to be busy and never idle like this because with rest and idle moments, there comes boredom. In addition, with boredom comes deep thinking of the past. I do not want to think of the past so much. I want my heart back. I want it whole. I am strong and I am getting there soon. Recovery was faster than I predicted. I am enjoying my life so much right now, but I am also being very cautious. I stick with the people with the same interest as me. As I have mentioned, or not, Burnham Hall (the Honors College building) is my second home. Right after I work out, I go there and chill by reading and doing homework. I hang out with my friends over there. During my breaks I stay there as well. It is very homy to me. I like it and the people that stay there. It is really fun! After school, I go straight to work. By the way, the second job is retail too. I work at Bath and Body Works now. Oh it smells so good at that place. I am so happy to be offered a position there. It is a complete change from smelling the aroma of coffee. The scent at the Bath and Body Works store relaxes me so much. It soothes my tired senses from overworking myself at the gym and school. So many things to do now.

I cannot wait for the holidays and go back to Canada for Boxing Day and New Year. I would love to see my family and friends again.

Work at 3pm till 8pm. Then readings must be continued. =)

-Andrea-

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy

So lately I have been listening to Carla Bruni-Sarkozy's songs. She was a model, but now she is one of the most powerful women in the world (because of her husband). She is married to the president of France, Nicolas Sarkozy. I love her voice! It is so soothing even though I do not understand a single word in french. It helps me when I am studying. Speaking of that, I should not be here! I should be making my flash-cards for chemistry and calculus! Haha! Oh well... life is going great. I am happy with what is happening right now. I met so many friends at the university and I hang-out with them almost everyday at the lounge. We basically find it fun to just study and be serious with it. All of us, mostly, have the same interests. We want to be physicians, engineers, attorneys, and nurses. We are cool with each other. I met this one girl named Mahdis. She is very nice and we are becoming great friends. We introduced new songs to each other. I owe her for introducing me to Carla Bruni- Sarkozy's songs! She is so fun to talk to! I also met Sehyun, Saif, and Amoya. They are one of the coolest group of people at BH lounge! So happy to have met them. =)

Anyway.... I have to go back to studying now. I am gonna go change my routines and start with a better one tomorrow. I will be up at 4:30 am sipping on my protein shake then off to the gym till 8am. So 5am to 8am is a good workout time. First half is cardio, then second half is weights. Oooooooh! Sexy body on the way! =P

I miss my mommy! She went to Denver for the weekend for a convention. She will be back later tonight. Yey!

BTW.... LET's GO CHICAGO BEARS!!!! BEAT SEATTLE!!! ON TO SUPER BOWL!!! CHYEAAH!

-Andrea-

I really feel enlightened!

As if my whole life is laid in front of me right now and it is situated at the palm of my hands. I just got home about 3 hours ago from the APAMSA meeting/panel with medical school student. Suddenly, a lot of things came rushing in my head. It felt like outlines of things I have to accomplish in order to get into a really good and respectable med school. I have so many ideas right now. My ideas are overflowing and flooding my brain now. I can write them down and it will look like an autobiography in the making. I am so glad that I joined the APAMSA because in that group I will meet people with the same interests and maybe some day will be someone I would end up working with at the hospital. Physicians, or future physicians rather, coming together like this is just so awesome! I get to have an older sibling, too! That sibling will provide me information that will answer my med school questions. During the panel, they talked about what would look nice on a medical school application. They said that extracurricular activities will help a lot just as much as academics. There should be something shining in your application because there will be many others that will have the same high GPA and school ranking, or that they would have a higher MCAT scores. Personal statements are the ones that will break even the application process according to the panel. But before all of this things, we really should think about if this is what we want to do because it will seriously take a big chunk of our life away. I have many things that I am ready to sacrifice in order to become a surgeon, but like what this other med student said, those things will change once I actually become a medical student. Time will come when I wont be able to give those things up. They have also mentioned to do something other than the sciences as a major. You have to have a bit of fun, too. When I realized what they were saying, it just popped in my head what would my second major be. I thought of pursuing Japanese as my second major because it is a language where I think I wont get bored with. In addition to that, if I learn Japanese and become fluent at it, there will be a big possibility for me to do an externship in Japan and learn the latest in their medical technology. *thumbs up*

So... aside from school, I think I have some form of life, too!

Today I finally went back to the gym to workout. It has been a week since I last exercised. My body was craving for workout and so I went today. It was so refreshing and I feel so good right now! Anyway, my dearest friend Sergio got me the job at the Neuroscience Lab at UIC and so that means that I will have a second job now. Moreover, the job at the lab will help me with med school applications, too! All I can say is WOW and THANK YOU to him because of this. What is so funny is that I also got a call for an interview from Bath and Body Works asking to work for them. I am still thinking if I should take on a 3rd job or not. I am focused on school but I also need money. I hope my grades do not fluctuate. NO. They wont. I can do this! I am strong-willed, hardworking, dedicated, and passionate. I can do this.

Lastly for today's entry....

Sehyun is nice and really adorable. =)

Goodnight world! I am a happier person now.

-Andrea-

Why am I up at 2am? LMAO.

K. So today I attended the FIA general meeting. It was so fun! I met so many people and for the longest time, I have not seen a bajillion of Filipino's in one room! I cannot wait for the next meeting so I could meet more of them or get to know some of them better. I hung out with the flips today and finally escaped my little cocoon at Burnham Hall (Honors College). I chilled at Montgomery today because I wanna see other people. I am still gonna be at BH most of the time because that place is my second home. Also, today was the induction ceremony for the Society of Future Physicians. It was kind of boring but at least Sef and Sehyun were there to keep me awake. Sef kept on talking like a true intellectual (not that he is not) and Sehyun just sat there pointing at GPPA people. It was like watching a movie for me. I left Whay after the ceremony... I feel bad for doing that. I was confused on who was I with. Her or Sehyun. LOL. So I walked with Sehyun downstairs and separated because he takes Metra and I take the Blue Line. When I got home I laid on my bed and was T.K.O right away. Good thing I got all my homework done. =)

Quiz on Schejbal's class for 9/24.... Better score awaits.

-Andrea-

p.s - Getting there little by little. Friends are helping me big time. I owe you guys! <3

Long time no see my dear green page. =)

Time for an update. Yes?

Today the Chicago Bears won vs. the Steelers! Yeynezz! Thought this will be a losing season for us Chicagoan's, but Jay Cutler picked up his A game and did what a good quarterback should do. I wonder what Rex Grossman is thinking right now. Hmmmm..... Anyway, first month of school is over! How fast did that happen? I survived it and I am so proud of myself. I got accepted at the Society for Future Physicians. I feel so cool right now (cool for nerds by the way. =P ). I also found our that I am eligible for a tuition fee waiver for next semester. I have to take advantage of this so that I would not have to take a second set of loans. Also, I feel like I have adjusted to the university life now. I am not so stressed about commuting back and forth. I am also able to workout better now. I workout twice every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Fridays. First workout is cardio, and second is for weightlifting. I am not trying to be buff. EWWWWW. I just want to tone my muscles and shape up for next summer because my cousin will be getting married! OMG. I need to find a nice dress and look really sexy and beautiful in it. I wish I catch the bouquet, too. I am so excited for her! I hope to go the Bahamas as well next summer and finally soak up under the sun. I have been hiding from Mr. Sunshine for the past year. Yeah, I said the past year! I have not been to the beach either. Maybe it is time to do some MAJOR changes. Life is good and I am blessed with a wonderful family and set of friends that loves me dearly. How thankful I am to God. =)

The blood test results were all negative and so I am safe. I am healthy and I did not inherit my mom's thyroid problem. I will take advantage of this good health and work as much as I can so I will be able to help my mom and dad with the expenses. I cannot believe that this year is coming to an end so soon. It is almost the end of September and that means we have 3 months till the new year. I will be 20 and wiser next year. Winter and snow.... Oh I cannot wait for you to come!

Another thing I cannot wait for is to see my dearest sister Ate Clang in November! I am so happy we are finally seeing each other again. I have lost contact with a lot of people but I am finding them again and seeing them is so exciting. We are going to bond like how we did when we were babies. She is older but not so much. I can't wait!

Shout out to my MOMMA! Mommy dearest..... I love you and thanks for supporting me through it all... you witnessed everything and we have gotten closer in the past couple of months. I can see where you are coming from now. Lesson well learned for me. Advance Happy Birthday to you. I love you Mom! <3

-Andrea-

P.S. Thanks for everything... I learned a lot from you. It was through so much pain that I learned how to value myself more than any other person. I wish you well. Thank you.

Hello new life! I am gonna be starting as Freshman student in college tomorrow. Now I can really call myself a college student. =)

This time I am really gonna push myself to become an excellent student considering my honors status in the university. This is my chance to prove myself worthy of going on to medical school. Everything is new now... new hair color (mahogany brown!)... new clothes and shoes... new stuff... new LIFE!

K. I am going to sleep now so I could workout in the morning and a have fresh start for the day. Hello professors! I hope I make good lasting impression on them. SMILE! =)

-Andrea

It deems to be complicated why on my recent post I stated how I should be content with the life that I have right now. I should have considered that my life, of course, does not only revolve around me, but also around the people I love. Right at this very moment I could say that I am very upset at the circumstances that my relatives in the Philippines are in now. My aunt and my mom just finished talking over Skype and I was there to hear and see my aunt cry her heart out to my mother asking for help. She needs all the help that she could get from us, financially and spiritually. I am mad and really confused at why my uncle wont help my aunt out. Why when she asked for help he immediately turned her down. How could he? He did not do it in a polite or nice way either. I am furious at how people could be so selfish over money. Yes, we do need money and these days, the world revolves WITH money. I could not help but cry at my aunt's pitiful situation and how I cannot help her right now. I will have money soon and I swore to help her because when we were the ones in need and she had the money, she really helped us. She never left my mother hopeless like what my uncle is doing to my aunt. From all 4 siblings, my uncle is the most frugal one and we understand why. But now that my aunt is in most need, how could he not help her? His reasons are very shallow and selfish. I really cannot understand. He claims to be very religious and every Saturday their is a prayer meeting at his house with food for all the guests. With that being considered, why can't he use some of his money to help my aunt with the smallest amount he could give? Every single penny counts now. I wish he could remember one of the stories from the bible that I learned in grammar school: the story of Lazarus. Lazarus said that no matter how rich you are, you can never bring your money with you to the next life and so there is no use keeping them to yourself. As much as you can, do everything to help. I hope he remembers this one day. My eyes hurt from crying. I have not cried as much for a long time but I could not help it. If I had all the money I need, I will help my aunt at the speed of light with no questions asked.

I pray that he wakes from his selfishness. Moreover, I pray that my aunt overcomes this huge challenge. I know she can.

-Andrea-

I have recently read about the book/autobiography by Randy Pausch and somehow, reading it over again breaks my heart into million pieces. For some reason, I am only in my few pages but I kept on stopping and stopping until I just completely stopped and put the book down. It is so gut wrenching that I started to think about how hard life was for him and his family. Thus, before that, I asked myself how he managed to give this last lecture. There are so many reasons why I should be thankful with the life that I have right now, but I still complain. I always say that I wish this would happen, or that I hope I could have done that. Why can't I be just contented with what I have and be happy that I am not sick with only some months to live like him. Technically, this guy has a lot to complain for. He has a wife, 3 very young children, and dreams that cannot be fulfilled anymore. He has already passed away even before I started reading his autobiography, yet, I want to tell him that what he wrote and his courage has given so much inspiration to live my life to the fullest. Truthfully, there is only really one life to live. There are so many things that I want to do and really want to say while I am alive and healthy, but honestly, the first thing I would do is to let all of my loved ones know how much I care for them and how thankful I am that they let me become a part of their life.

"Too many people go through life complaining about their problems. I've always believed that if you took one-tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you'd be surprised by how well things can work out." -Randy Pausch

Even if my heart breaks while reading this, I have to continue. There is exactly 20 days left before school starts. I am excited, yet very scared. In contrast, I am still looking forward to it specially because of my new buddy: Nienke. She is gonna be my buddy for the rest of out college career.

-Andrea-

Well,well.... birthday is over. It was fun overall but I had mixed emotions all thru out the day...

-My friends, Mimi, Vic, and Van brought me to Ignite to rent the Rockband room. It was really cool because right when we went in, Sam followed us. I was shocked because he sang for me. Oh dear... If you just knew how wide my smile was. He gave me a candle-less cake because we can't light up anything inside the room since there was a smoke detector. LOL. Sam hugged me too! How nice and sweet! =) I failed twice from singing and playing the bass, but it made it even more fun! Haha! Oh well, I can come back and play again. Yey! Gonna see Sam again! WOW. =P

-My family and I went to Java and Mug to have some Korean desserts. I had my usual fruit bingsoo! It's soooooo good! Yummehh in my tummmmeh! I told my mom that I was upset in the morning because I told her that I would prefer and choose to have a slice of cake with a candle on it over the money they gave me. See, I am happy when I see cakes with candles. Every candle serves as a wish for me. I could wish from it even if it does not come true. If you guys would just know how much joy a cake with a candle brings to me. I am a kid. I think I did not turn 19, but went back and turned 7 instead. LMAO. They bought me a cake with lots of candles at the end of the day. I was happy.

* I was upset that Paul forgot my birthday. If Ate Ira did not try to remind him that it was my birthday, he would have completely forgotten. It got me sad because I told him I wish he was here to celebrate my birthday with him and he replied that he wishes he could be here just as well. He forgot...

* I was upset that I had to ask for a cake from my parents when I said that that is the only thing I want and nothing more. They bought me a cake.... but I had to nag them about it. How pathetic could I be? I don't care. I prefer cakes more than anything else on my birthdays. I love them because I feel special when given one. You have to understand.. that is how I am.

I have to sleep now. Tomorrow is another day. My birthday is over but the celebrations are not! Looking forward to seeing my little sister Haian and get sushi together. I missed her so much!

Goodnight... thanks for a wonderful birthday. I am not upset anymore. I am sorry for being upset. I guess I am entitled to it once in a while, so give it to me today. I hope next year is better. I cannot wait... well.. there is December to cheer me up. I am going back to Brampton. I will see my friends again! I am excited.

( I met a new person today. he gave me a hug and sang happy birthday for me. His name is Sam. Hi Sam! It was nice meeting you! )

Batman... you forgot.. but it's okay.... I guess it's not so bad to forget things at times. I understand... like always. I miss you. See you soon! <3

-Andrea-

Happy 19th Birthday to me!!! I am thankful that I was given another year to live and enjoy life. I am happy to be alive and in good health. Hopefully, this year will be full of adventures and fulfilling moments both in school, family life, and love. I did not plan to do anything special this year unlike my past birthdays. I am just happy to be alive and excited as well. There are so many things that makes me so thankful and happy. I will enumerate the ones off the top of my head.

1. Like I said, I am thankful to have lived another year because it is another chance given to me to become a better person. I will make the most out of this year and enjoy life as much as I can. School comes first, but I will have fun too!

2. I am thankful that my mother is recovering fast from her surgery last week. I may be a little upset when she nags, but she is a mother and that is what she is suppose to do: to lead me and tell me the things she knows that will benefit me. I love you Mommy!

3. I am thankful that I have father that takes care of his family and would put us first before anything else. My dad is the best father in the world. Seeing him take care of my mother like that and not leaving her side makes me admire him more. Even if he did not pass his certification exam, I know he will do better the next time. Good luck Daddy!

4. I am thankful for having such nice friends that cares for me as much as I do for them. Thanks for always being there for me. Special mention: ATE IRA- Thanks for the status message Happy Birthday greeting! ;)

5. I am thankful that today my Bessy replied to my email and greeted me Happy Birthday. I miss you so much Mei! I hope you continue to do just well. That message made me very happy.

6. I am thankful that my uncle passed the board exam for nursing. Congratulations uncle!

7. Last but not the least. I am thankful for knowing a special person that makes me happy effortlessly. Thanks Paul... for everything, =) Although you forgot that it was my birthday. It's alright as long as you don't forget it next year.

I ended up having 7 reasons to be thankful! Wow! Lucky 7, eh?

-Andrea-

Yesterday was family day! It was not as fun as I expected it to be, but I was with my family which I rarely see come together like yesterday so it's all good. We had so much food that I thought I was gonna go in a state of coma! Just by looking at it you will feel really full. By mid noon I got a little bored waiting for my baby cousin to come so I went upstairs and thought of taking a nap. I ended up sleeping for 4 hours! I woke up and my dad told me that my other uncle is not coming, therefore my baby cousin wont be there too! What a bummer... >.<

I think I wont be too happy to turn another year older, but I am excited to celebrate with my friends that I have not seen this whole summer.

Summer is going to end in a month and school will start soon. I hope that this school year will be good for me. I wonder if I would still want to apply for Johns Hopkins University, Brown, Yale and Stanford for next year. It seems like a dream.... just a dream if I could actually get in.

Anyway.... I'm missing Batman really bad. =(

-Andrea-

Another dream relay perhaps?

I woke at around 6:30 am today and I could remember snippets from my dream. Not as clearly as I could right when I woke up, but I could tell some parts.... In my dream I was at the airport here in Chicago and I was there to pick someone up. I was picking up Paul cause he came to visit me from Canada. From what I could remember, he was wearing the Batman shirt. What happened next... I am not sure anymore. I texted him right away about how I dreamt about him coming here and visiting me. In that same text message I said.. "Hey Batman!"

He just replied a couple of minutes ago and he said...

"That's so weird. I was wearing a Batman shirt when I fell asleep last night. 0_0"

Too much of a coincidence? I was thinking maybe... if you have heard of astral projection? It is an out of body experience where your soul wanders by itself either knowingly or without your consent. Maybe you did come here to Chicago last night and I met you at the airport. I wish my dream was longer... or that I could remember all of it. Wow. It would have been so fun and amazing if it was indeed astral projection.

-Andrea-

I used to love it when it rains. Now... I wish for it to go away. I am not sure why I feel like I am lacking something right now that is raining. It's just that I think I am longing for something I do not have or I cannot have but I am not sure what exactly that could be. The past couple of days was not dull or anything. Am I just dissatisfied with how my life is going right now? I have no reason to be dissatisfied. I have everything that I need but for one thing. That one thing should not make me feel as bad as this anyway.

I told him that the rain makes me feel sad for no reason... He said he likes the rain... What if opposites do not really attract. Could it have been the other way around?

The sun is shining now. I should feel better. =)

-Andrea-

Today was a little hectic. My mom was rushed to the hospital in the morning due to her lower abdomen complaints. The doctor said she has an acute appendicitis and it requires a surgery. She had the surgery and now her appendix is gone. Hopefully, my mother recovers fast from this. I pray that she gets well soon. As for now, I cannot do anything for her but to let her know that I am taking good care of my siblings specially my little brother. Tomorrow will be my first day at work and I am excited about it. It's another job at a coffee shop but so what? I am in dire need of money that I will do anything just to be able to help my parents.

Mama, I love you and get well soon! =)

-Andrea-

He said his mother likes me a lot... because she knows everything that I did for him. I am not sure what good things I have done, but I am thankful that she knows how I feel and what I'd do for her son.

I hope to meet you one day. Thank you for liking me. =)

-Andrea-

I am glad that just one smile and I could brighten up your day and lift up your mood. I really want you to be happy and as much as possible I want to be one of the reasons that can make your day. You know how much I'd give just to be there for you. I am always here. I was delighted to hear you call me babe again. It has been a while since the last time you called me that. Only last night did I really sleep well. I slept well because I made you happy, or at least better than how you were before you saw the video that I made. Anytime that you'd need someone, like what I said in the video, you can always count on me. <3

-Andrea-

Hello...

I finally got hired yesterday at Coffee Beanery and might get a second job at Pacsun. How lucky, eh? Although, when I heard from you that it has been really hard these past couple of weeks, I felt sorry. I want to help you in ways that I can. I am always here for you and you know that. I got your back! :)

I am sorry for my last entry... asking such things and not even knowing what you are going through right now. I feel bad. I hope things get better soon. Actually, I know they will. Hold on there. I know you are tough. Just hold on.

-Andrea-

I would never have the courage to tell you in person, on the phone, as a text message, or even on skype everything that I have in my mind right now, but I will write all of them here... why.. I like you and love you this much. I will make it sound like a story, though we all know that not all stories have a happy ending. Mine will end on a desperate note.

Hello there! Have you ever heard of the song "I wanna grow old with you"? 

I wanna make you smile 

Whenever you're sad 

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad 

All i wanna do, is grow old with you 

I'll get you medicine when your tummy aches 

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks 

So, it could be so nice growing old with you,.... 

I'll miss you 

Kiss you 

Give you my coat when you are cold 

Need you 

Feed you 

Even let you hold the remote control. 

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink 

Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink 

Oh I could be the man that grows old with you 

I wanna grow old with you.

This is my all time favourite song. =) Today,  I watched a really beautiful but heartbreaking movie. It was heartbreaking to me because I was jealous because it seems like the bond they had and the vow they made to each other will never apply to you and I. Do you know what are the reasons that justifies why I like you and love you? I will tell you all of them....

I like you because you are the only person that makes me happy yet also sad at the same time. I like you because you have the greatest barrier or wall that seems to be unbreakable... you are a challenge to me that I wouldn't me failing to conquer, but later on succumb to. I like you because you smile only when I make you, but it also makes me wonder if you smile because I forced you or if you smiled because of me. I like you because of the toughness you possess... it makes me feel safe. I like you because you want to stand on your own feet and make things your own way... it is admirable.  I like you because you are mysterious in ways only I could feel... I find it cool and sexy. i like you because I love you. I love you because I like you. I like you not only because of the unique traits that you have, but also physically. I like you because you have the most beautiful pair of eyes that I have seen in my entire life.... yes... your eyes seems cold when seen up-close, but I also dream to be the one to make them warm and thoughtful. I like you because you are the tallest man I have hugged ever so tightly in my whole life and that looking at your face would require me to stretch my neck up to a duck's neck length... and when we hugged before.. you just used one arm and you already grabbed my whole body... made me feel secure. I like you because you have that cute crooked nose I would always want to pinch. I like you because you have that kind of smirk that makes me think... about what it means and what it could have meant if I was wrong. I like you because you are not afraid to express your feelings when you are mad and when you think people have been unfair to you. I like you because I miss you and I can't let go.... no, I can't. I like you because you are not messy and everything is well kept...though keep in mind that nothing could ever be so straight. I like you because we share the same interests, though not all of them. I like you and love you because of the serene quietness you have.... though it seems so appalling that I am the complete opposite. I like you and I love you because we are opposites... opposites was said to attract each other: do I attract you? I like you because of all the good things and the flaws that you have... And I like you and love you because I would rather have the worst times with you than have the best ones with someone else...at least I will experience the good and the bad with you.. just you. 

One day, when I finally muster all the courage that I need, I will tell you all of these in person.

I was born six months before you. I had to wait in this world alone for you for six months. In the future, I will wait a long, long time. Stall all you like. Take all the time you want. I am not going anywhere...

-Andrea-

Hello there! =)

Today is the happiest that I have been in a while. I had a good sleep even if I slept at 3 AM and woke up at 9AM. Beautiful and happy dreams were there too and I can remember snippets of it. I am so happy. =)  

EXTREMELY OVERJOYED and THANKFUL (for technology: i.e. WEBCAM/SKYPE)

I'll see you later! ^_^

-Andrea-

I GOT APPROVAL TO TAKE CALCULUS I INSTEAD OF MATH 121!! WOHOOOOO!

Happy day! I am happy today because I got an email from Mr.Diaz saying that he will give me an approval to register for CALC I this coming fall. That news really made my day. There is not a lot for me to say today so I am stopping right here!

Hello there! 

-Andrea-

Monday serves as a fresh start to everything.

Good morning Monday! Today I am going to my first official college class and I can't tell you how much excited I am right now. I am eager to start this class and begin my academic career with a good foundation. Hopefully, I can bump this course 2 levels up. Anyway, I am really going to stick to this routine everyday and keep up with it. I walk/jog everyday and today I will start writing down everything I eat and drink. This diet is not only for losing weight but for health reasons also. I am from a family with history of diabetes, cancer, and different heart diseases so I have to take good care of myself. I am also going to have another blood test this week to see if I have one of those "family sickness". By the way, there should be less internet activities from now on. I must read more books to maintain articulateness all through out. I am also going to pack my pocket dictionary on my book bag always so I could check out the words I am not familiar with when I encounter them. I need to really make a good impression on my professors and peers. Johns Hopkins University is waiting for me and I cannot disappoint them. I have so many plans, yet very little time to accomplish them. I am not going to give up. Starting today, everyday should be treated equally with my A game on all the time. Test, quizzes, recitation and other activities should also be treated carefully. I need my perfect GPA and attendance in addition to my extracurricular activities like the FIA, American Cancer Society and hospital volunteer work.  

With all of these things that I have to do and accomplish, I hope that I can still find time to have fun. I am not saying that I wont have fun while doing these things, but having time with friends and family is also a must. Speaking of family, I think we are flying back to the Philippines for spring break next year. 

Plans for 2010: (leisure)

I hope I can save up enough money to watch even just one game for each of Portugal and Spain's matches. 

I HAVE A LOT OF PLANS FOR THE FUTURE. I HOPE IT ALL GOES WELL.

-Andrea-

I cannot wait for tomorrow! I am volunteering for American Cancer Society and I will get to meet little children that will inspire me to become better. They will inspire me because they have fought and worked hard against the pain and sufferings. Just like them I want to be able to fight on the sidelines. Cancer has taken so many of my loved ones and I want to know how it feels to fight it by supporting the ones that has it. In my own little way I want to be a part of their battle and help them win it. I also want to make those little children happy. I have always liked kids and that is why I will become a pediatric neurosurgeon. I want to devote my time on helping them. I want to be their saviour but not brag about it. My dream is to become just like Ben Carson. I would offer everything that I can to help. If I can elaborate on what kind of help, I would say that I want to be that person that will cure the pain for them. Recently, I have read two books that relates to cancer. I have read the book written by Randy Pausch called The Last Lecture and the novel My Sisters Keeper. Both of these books dealt with fighting cancer. On the book The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch told his story about how he fought it and stayed alive longer than his "quota" because he loves his family so dearly that he will not leave them without something that remind them of his eternal sacrifice and love. He battled pancreatic cancer longer than expected and he was able to deliver his last lecture. He showed the most memorable pictures and experiences to the 400 plus crowd that came to see him. It was one of the books I have read that really moved me. It hurts to know that his children will grow without him. This is one of the reasons too why I wanted to volunteer. Not all of the people at the event tomorrow are cancer victims, but they are the family and friends of the ones that has lost their battle. I want to continue their battle with those loved ones that were left because I, too, is a friend and family of someone that lost a battle. 

Monday will be my first day to go to a real college class. I am taking my MATH course this summer so I can go ahead and take the next level course for it. I am excited for my Fall classes too. I am ecstatic about walking around the campus. It is just sad that I have to take a bus and a long train ride just to get to and from the university. Anyway, I want to mention again that I have met new people from my orientation and I want to see them soon! 

I am really excited about so many things right now.

-Andrea-

It is currently 73 degrees Fahrenheit here in Chicago. Summer is looking good and I can't wait for my summer class to start. First of, I have a good schedule and it looks like I am going to get a job soon ( thanks to my mother's friend). Right now I am just waiting for some calls, hopefully I get to work  2 jobs so that I could save enough for the first semester tuition fee. I am lucky to have friends that took the same classes that I will be taking because they will be giving me their old books. Hopefully, the professors will assign us the same edition books because if not, then I would need to buy new ones. In the fall, my friend Sergio will hook me up with a campus job that will help build my resume and future med school application since it is a Neuroscience lab and it will also serve as work-study for me. Anyway, I have to start practicing calculus again so I can be ready for the Fall term classes. I am gonna read my Psychology book too just for fun. Actually, I am planning to read as much textbooks and sci-fi books that I can to broaden my knowledge and vocabulary skills. I admit that I am not a smart person but I try my hardest with everything that I do academically and for work. I would make my parents proud of me.  I think that is it for now. I have to shower now! It is so hot in here! AC doesn't cut it at all!

K, after showering I'm gonna hit the books!

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

-Andrea-

New acquaintances

It's Saturday today, the 20th of June. How fast time flew after graduation. I still have no luck in finding any kind of job and I am getting very frustrated. I hope someone calls me as soon as possible because I have to save up for college. Speaking of college, yesterday and the day before was very fun but exhausting. We had our orientation on those days and we slept over at the dormitory with our future classmates and schoolmates. It was really fun. I thought I did not want to mingle with new people, but I met a couple of them I want to hang out with as soon as we start our Fall term classes. Our group was composed of all Honors College students and I thought that we would all be just nerds but I was wrong. We went to Club Inferno ( which was really lame but had a good time just hanging out) and danced a bit. I also want to share that I came across a nice person and I think we will be really good friends. His name is Elias and he is Greek. He is a very nice person, at least that is my impression of him. We talked and I found out some cool things about him and it made me think that he is a person to respect since he is very polite and respectful of me, too. I shared a room with Nienke for that one night stay at the dormitory. She is really cool! She taught me some words in dutch. Blimey, she speaks a couple of languages aside from Dutch and English. We had a very insightful conversation sans the girly part. In the middle of our conversation the alarm went off and we rushed outside the room. I grabbed my wallet, phone, and this baby of course. It turned out to be just a false alarm due to the reconstruction of some parts of the building and so we all went back to our rooms. It was raining really hard that night and there was thunder and lightning. I was really scared to sleep so Nienke and I were up until 2 AM. The next day I was complaining of a back pain and exhaustion just like everybody else. We all met at our leader's lounge and head out to the lecture centers. The lectures were so boring we were falling asleep! Nevertheless, when the orientation ended, we all made new friends and expected to see each other again very soon. I can't wait for school to start and be officially a college student. Our Honors College group is pretty small and I am sure we will all see each other at our enormously huge campus. From my other post, I think I will take back what I said. I want to live in the dormitory now. I think I am missing a lot if I don't. Hopefully, there is a spot left. 

I am reading a new book/autobiography of Randy Pausch called The Last Lecture. He wrote this after he was diagnosed of pancreatic cancer. I will write more about this when I finish it.  I am tired now so I will stop here.

COLLEGE.... I JUST CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE. 

-Andrea-

Gone were the days.....

Yesterday I was planning to just sleep all day and relax, but I am glad that I didn't. My sister and I decided to do a total make over for our room. Our old room looked so shabby compared to our room right now. This is probably the first time I am gonna say that I am happy I am not going to live on campus at UIC. This room so much lovelier and homey. I love the feel and the look our room now has. It is beautifully green, a bit more spacious, full of books, and the best part was our mirror ( tocador in Tagalog). We decorated our mirror with a black fairy's wings and placed it right on the middle of the mirror's top part. It looks so pretty up there! Our room is also, of course because of my sister, full of Twilight fan posters. It is so organized here now. I wonder until when it's gonna stay like this. In front of me right now are my old text books and AP prep books. I miss school already because of these books. I cannot wait for the fall. Anyway, my sister and I never bonded like we did yesterday. We really helped each other cleaning and beautifying our room. To tell you the truth, we did not yell at each other yesterday. Not yelling at each other, for my sister and I, well it is quite abnormal since we do it on a daily basis. I am just happy she was calm and less crabby yesterday. We finished cleaning at around 9 PM and ate dinner right after. We all ate together and had a good laugh about the old times. When I say old times, those were the days when we were all back in the Philippines joking and laughing about my uncle Joel's stories specially when there is a power outage in our subdivision or when it is during the Holy Week ( these things my late grandfather hated because we tend to be so noisy). I miss those days so much! I also found some old pictures of me from my high school days in the Philippines. Back then, I was so much skinnier! In those pictures were so many memories. For one, I found my sophomore class picture. I was really skinny and we were all still considered little girls. Unfortunately, I have no scanner to use so I can post the pics here: it would have been better with the picture posted here. Sigh. I am just going to use those pictures as my motivation to lose weight. I also found more pictures from 3 or 4 years ago. I had so much more pimples and blemishes all over my face. I looked like a PIMPLE with a FACE in those pictures. I am just so glad they are almost gone now. I have about 4 left. Haha! Although, I am still not satisfied. Anyway, finding those pictures brought back so many memories to me. Maybe, when I get back to the Philippines, I am gonna bring all of our old pics. No. I will really bring them back here in Chicago.

Ok, so now off to other stuff.

I started my day right today. I woke up at 8 AM sharp. Oh how good it feels that I have slept a full 8 hour after being an insomniac for a couple of weeks. When school was only 2 weeks away from ending, I never had a good night sleep or should I say a full 8 hour sleep. I have always slept so late and woke up so early. When school ended, I still had the same sleeping pattern and it was so hard to adjust. It even got worse. I wake up early, sleep a bit in the afternoon, be up until 11 PM, took an hour nap, and stayed up from 12 AM until 5 AM. Mind you, it was really that bad. Yesterday after cleaning the entire room and half of the apartment, I felt so tired and so after showering, I fell asleep immediately ( well after I painted my nails. Haha!) Like I said, I woke up at 8 AM sharp. I pour myself some Cheerios with skim milk and had a whole glass of water. I am going to drink 8 or more glasses of water everyday and eat right. I am also planning to stay with my routine of doing just cardio every other day and running outside with a raincoat. Yes, I said raincoat. This is how I did it when I was trying to lose weight fast for a tournament in Taekwondo in the Philippines. I am just so sure it will work again. I will avoid so much meat and sweets. No other drinks than water ( except for some occasional Vodka with my friends.. say what you wanna say but I don't care. Vodka helps me forget and my parents are ok with vodka. Haha!) I saw that one egg face mask online, so maybe I will try doing that too. Total body and skin make over before college! Woohoo! I forgot to mention reading as a part of my routine, and of course cleaning our beautiful room. Ok, this entry is getting too long now. I have to say good bye. =)

AnnieTakeItEasy is really taking it easy now. ..... Au revoir

P.S I hope I can add a job to that routine soon. 

Letter to a dear friend

Updating everyday I see? Ok, so it's currently 2:45 am and I am so wide awake. I think I had a good nap, but not a dreamless one. Anyway, part of the reason why I can't sleep right now is this one special person to me. Nope, it's not Paul this time. It's my other close friend Mei. I want to take this time to talk to her here on my blog. I don't think she'll ever read this, but still I am going to write anyway. So here it goes....

Hi Mei,

I saw you through Skype today when I was on the webcam with Ate Ira. It was nice seeing you, though my heart dropped a thousand feet of off my chest when I saw you. Somebody rang the doorbell and I knew it would be you. I said hi but you did not respond... it's ok. I guess you are still mad at me. I respect whatever you are feeling at this moment. Time will come and we will be able to talk normally again. I miss you a lot. I miss talking to you because I could tell you anything and everything under the sun. Perhaps, me telling you everything was the problem. What do you think? Maybe because there wasn't any restriction on the things that I tell you every time we talk? If that was one of the reasons, I am sorry. The way I speak on MSN is so different from how I speak in real life. I was never the arrogant person, maybe proud is the word. If you understand me that way, then that is fine. There is no more sense if I brought up what misunderstanding we had back then. I just need my Bessy back. Anyway, I don't want this to be long. I wish you good luck with everything you are planning to do. I read in your blog that you've decided to be a nurse. That is a good profession even if I have bashed the idea of me becoming a nurse so many times before just because I didn't want to become one. Take care always. I hope you have a great summer. Have fun and chill with people now that you are temporarily free from school.

Love,

Andrea

P.S I think there is a new Danielle  Steel book coming out or it came out already. 

Hey! I am actually writing more than usual! Wow... maybe this is what boredom does to me. I just remembered having a strange dream. I told some of my friends about this and they laughed at the idea of my dream. It was about my AP Calculus teacher, Mr. Nguyen. He was, as usual, teaching calculus and I was there, when suddenly a gunman came inside our room and yelled something I don't really remember. All I can recall was that he took Mr. Nguyen as a hostage and made all of the students stand on one side of the classroom. This was the coolest dream ever! I get to say something and I actually recall what I said. I told the gunman to point his gun down or he will regret ever setting foot on our classroom cause I will kill him. I tried to negotiate ( which was funny cause I already threatened him) and make him release our teacher. He followed but then he went crazy again and pointed the gun at Mr. Nguyen again. So I did my thing and jumped him. I grabbed his arms immediately and bent it upwards so the bones crack which will make him drop his gun. He dropped the gun and I karate chopped him again! Whoa! I felt so proud and then I continued to beat him up. By the time the cops came inside, the gunman was already tied up. Hahah! I felt so cool in that dream! So funny when I was trying to re- enact it to my friends during division. I can't wait to see my lovely Pinay's again tomorrow! We planned to bake and hangout at my crib. Maybe watch movies and then play water balloon fighting at the park. I wish my summer will be fun. I am also waiting for a call from the places where I applied. Money is so tight right now. Darn mula's! I wasn't too homesick today. I talked to my old friends from the Philippines and somehow it helped me get better. Working out got my mind off of some things that has been bothering me lately. Hopefully it gets better and better. I want to see sunshine! Chicago weather MUST be better in the coming days. 

I long for sunshineeeee! SUN come to me! =)

Heaven is overrated. Goodnight!

He failed me once again. Yet, I am here telling myself that it's alright. He probably got home exhausted from work and forgot he told me we'd talk tonight. Blah, I'll live. Oh repressed memories, here they go again. Ah, maybe I should start writing about my recollection down memory lane of some other things to lift the mood. Okay, where should I start.... hmmm. Ah! This morning I was talking to my dad and sister about the things we remember while we were vacationing in Japan. My dad asked me about what I remembered the most. I told him that the most that I can remember were the kind of ramen noodles that I ate at this now defunct mall called Jasco. We used to eat noodles and tonkatsu at that place and it was so delicious! I will never forget how it tasted and looked. In my head right now I can see the whole place. Thus, it will take a while before I can come back and visit those very places where I have been when I was there. I miss being a child, too. I was treated like a princess when I was there. My dad's coworkers are just so nice. They give me everything that I wanted and granted my every wish. It was so fun! I wish to go back soon. Anyway, my sister said that she could not remember so much about it and we understand because she was so young back then. My sister and I have a 4 year gap with our age. When we visited my dad, my sister will always ask who he was because she does not recognize him. My dad left to work back in Japan when my sister was still little so every time she sees him, she asks us who he is. It was funny actually, when my sister finally recognizes him, she crumbles more on my mother's chest. She didn't want to let go at all. My sister is more of a cry baby and moody when we were young. I think we switched places cause I used to be not so moody and I do not cry so much. I do now. I miss Japan a lot. There was so many happy memories from that place. I wish I can only remember my happiest memories and forget sad ones. I do not want to have recollections of those memories that left me in a kind of pain so hurtful that I do not want to remember. Shifting to other topics, my mother told me that high school is where memories are most valued. I think that was wrong. My high school days are over an I don't feel like there were so many memories made back then. All I did when I was in high school was to study and work so much that I forgot to have fun. Only this senior year in high school did I have fun and started hanging out with most of the people I know. I hope that it's not yet too late for me to start and make fresh memories that I will be happy to remember one day and have a good hearty laugh about it. 

I am currently listening to Train right now. They have a lot of good songs. 

I still miss you. Goodnight Paul

I feel like writing again. By the way, I just finished watching Lovers in Paris. It was so funny to watch it over again since I knew the ending plus the fact that I didn't like how it ended. It was still such a nice love story, though. The whole story was touching and it made me cry buckets again. It inspired me to write a sentimental note like this. Funny how someone left me a message on Facebook right when I was watching that part where I suddenly thought of him. I asked him if he just came home from work. He said he was about to sleep in 5 minutes because he has to work early tomorrow. He said that he will be home early tomorrow so he should be online again. I asked for us to talk and have a real conversation. I missed him a lot but I don't know why i do. Sometimes I will be just fine doing my own thing and getting myself busy with schoolwork. Now that school is over for me (high school), I have nothing else to do but read the new books that my dad bought for me. Still, even with that to "confuse" me for a little while, I still cannot stop thinking of him. I guess, if I may say it again, I miss him so much because he was, and still is, my biggest WHAT IF. He was neither just a friend, or somebody more than a friend. I am stuck on him. I even had the weirdest thought that someday I know he will end up with me. It sounds so stalker-ish and scary but truth be told, I am only one hopeless romantic. Like Vivienne in Lovers In Paris. She is so courageous and strong. She kept it all inside her and gave up things to be with the one she loves. I would do the same if he asks me to. Well, maybe not give everything up, but most of it, I will. What am I suppose to do? It has been a while and seems like I am so desperate. Maybe I am desperate. There were so many of my friends that told me I should forget, but I just can't do it like how easy they said it. It is so painful when those days for longing comes specially when I am by myself. When a certain music plays, or the same name that he has gets heard by me, I just freeze in silence and reminisce about what little memories I had with him. Those little memories are the things that helps me keep my head up. Tell you what, I always look at whatever few pictures we had and the funny birthday video Charmaine recorded when I surprised him with his first home-baked cake that I specially made for him. Those times were fun. I wish for more memories with him. Sometimes I just feel like flying to Brampton so unexpectedly just to ask him if we could walk around the neighborhood and along the streets once again. I just like the feeling of being near him. He smells good, he is so tall, and I feel really safe and secure when I am with him. He is that one guy I would trust my life with. I just hope that it was just like yesterday when we started talking. He was sweeter, nicer, more likable I should say, fun and cooler to talk to. If it was better to have had him only as a stranger to me, I wouldn't mind just as long as I could talk to him again as freely as I did before. I want to be able to share the best and worst things with him. I want to know how he feels. I want him to tell me if he ate good lunch. I want to know what makes him smile. I want to be the one that will make him smile. I want to hear him call me Babe again. I miss it so much. I miss him so much. Paul, I miss you very very much. If starting off as friends and me not assuming anything, who knows what I would give for all of that. Tonight, I cried tons of tears because of the Korean drama that I watched, but half of the time I was imagining how hurtful it was not to see you and for someone else to be with you. I wont call it stupidity and ambiguous imagination anymore. I just really miss you like what I have always told you. I just do... for all of the weirdest things, for all of the funniest memories , and for all of the saddest reasons. A woman shouldn't say that she will wait for the guy, but I will until you tell me to stop. I'll wait until you realize I am hurt, full of guilt, and still wondering what could have been or would be if you just come to me.. If in a decade we meet again, what would are reactions be? A decade... it wont be too long.

I am going to read my book now. Tomorrow night, I hope that we can talk. You told me you will be home early and you would go online. Pathetic as it may sound, online messaging is the only way I could reach you. I am happy with that one last thing... at least there is something left. 

 

Shut me out completely, 
That would not be such a sin.
Lock up every entry, 
Make sure that there’s no way for me to get in
Won’t try to pry them open, 
Never mind knock upon your doors.
Truth is that there’s no reason for me to even see your face anymore.

But I need your ears and I need them now I’ve got something to say, 
I’m not here today to win you back just to remind you that.

Sure as the rain starts to fall, 
Yes I’ll always remember you dear.
And though we don’t talk anymore. 
I was crazy for you; yes I was crazy for you, that’s for sure. 

Nothings ever easy, I think we both know that it’s true.
I was convinced you loved me, and I was pretty sure that I loved you too, 
When was our final moment whats your favourite might have beens. 
When was my fatal error that changed the way you thought of me ever since. 

Cos I made you smile and I made you laugh, i made nice gestures and surprised you enough?
But I made you come, but I made you cry, 
I wish this was true but I’m not gonna lie. 

So sure as the rain starts to fall, 
Yes I’ll always remember you close
And though we don’t touch anymore. 
I was crazy for you; I’m still crazy for you, that’s for sure. 
Still crazy for you, still crazy for you, still crazy for you 

Goodnight Paul

I am back! So soon isn't it? It is 1:36 in the morning and I am still up and jumping! I think I took a really long nap which makes it not a nap anymore. HAHAH! Right now I am watching You Changed My Life with Sara and John Lloyd. It is such a funny movie and nakaka kilig too! Anyway, tomorrow is graduation and high school life is done. When I think about how it is going to be in college, I often wonder how I am going to be able to make it. I feel like I cannot do it because I want to be alone when I finally start my classes. I just do not want to be attached to anyone. I want to transfer right after this year to Johns Hopkins. I just watched a movie about Ben Carson, the best pediatric neurosurgeon in the world. He has performed 100 surgeries on children. I wish to be just like him or even better than him. Moving on, I am sooo excited! I just cannot hide it! For the millionth time, I am psyched to graduate tomorrow! It seems like it was just yesterday when I came here and now I am finally graduating. I thought I kept so much to myself before, but now, I think I have become more approachable and better at speaking to people. i used to just grunt, nod, and shake my head when someone asks me something. Now I can talk and explain! I am going to miss my Pinay Chikkas! We had our differences but then like what Neeks said, at the end of the day we just loved each other more. i hope for this next school year to be better. I want to have straight A's this year! If Johns Hopkins is not possible this year, then it will be for next year! Positive aura come to meeeee! Thank you Lord for all the blessings. I don't always go to church but I pray and I talk to you conscientiously and spiritually!

Adios for now!

Nobody reads my blog anyway so I am just gonna pour in everything.

It has almost been a month since I wrote something here. I was busy doing things here and there that this is the only time I am updating my blog. Prom was last Friday and all of us had a blast. It was really fun, mind you, it really was. Although, that kind of fun did not stop me from feeling that certain nostalgia of missing Paul. I just cannot make it out of myself on why I cannot forget him no matter what I do or who I am with. It is just that every time I look at my prom date all I can picture was Paul's face. I cannot stop wishing it was him that I was with. I have said so many times, I am "finally" moving on and forgetting him would be easy as a breeze. No. I could not forget him, I just can't but I do not know why. My wishful thinking has reached beyond its capacity and I think I am getting delusional. I feel pathetic and sorry for myself. I know I can do better than this, but I am so much in denial about the truth. ANDREA WAKE UP CAUSE ITS OVER! IN FACT THERE WAS NOTHING FROM THE START! I daydream that one day he will come and surprise me by telling me that he will never leave and that he will just stay here with me. At this point of time, I wish that I am a colder kind of person. I wish I was the one that could just care less about the world and beyond so that I wont hurt like this. The audacity of reality just doesn't dawn on me quite fervently. If I would make myself delete all the pictures we had, I am just gonna make a fool out of myself because I know that all of my files here on my laptop can be recovered as fast as I have deleted them. I do not want to be hypocritical and so I would much rather just keep them, but at times when I miss the old times, I go back and flicker thru those happy pictures or at least the pretend happy pictures. Is it not ridiculous? Someone told me that when I meet another guy, maybe even better, as tall, or having greener colored eyes, I will "change" emotions in a snap. True that that may happen, but right now it seems so impossible. I came home feeling alright, then right when I sat down to check mails, I just felt that depression pang again. I was alone in the house and so I guess I just felt lonely. I tried sleeping it off, but when I woke up it was all the same. I tried working out cause then maybe I will forget, again, I failed. I have no idea to whom should I share what I am feeling right now. I am scared of judgements and unfair imposes. I am graduating on Friday and after that the bigger world will open its doors on me. If I continue to be like this, my survival does not stand a chance. I hope for the better things.


As much as I want to forget you... I just can't.

Life Anew

It feels good to walk outside today. I jogged, walked, and ran in intervals for a whole hour. As I did my routine at the park, I also took time to notice the beautiful weather and the faces of the passersby. There are all sorts of differences that I have witnessed for every step that I took while I was out running/jogging/walking. I thought about what goes on inside their minds. It might be that they also have problems so they are out to unwind, but moreover, I knew that they are out at the park to release stress and be relaxed for once. I realized ( for the millionth time, but finally fully acknowledging) that I should not shoulder all the problems in the world, or my world. There are so many things I should be thankful for, so many things I should appreciate and embrace, yet, I am sulking in my room for the past couple of months just staring on this computer screen. Pathetic, is it not? Well, until recently when a special friend tagged me on her note did I awoke from a long fantasy-filled dream where all of my wishes came true. It is now finally over. I am moving on. This is it. I am done waiting. I am done contemplating. I am done self-pitying. I am done! Moving on with life is so much better than getting stuck with the past that might have been all pretensions of whatsoever. My future seems to be brightening up and highlighting that, today I was interviewed for the UIC Honors College. I hope I get admitted because it will change the course of the road I am taking right now. I am indecisive, I admit, about where to go for my second year of college. I thought about just transferring to a better school after freshman year but then if I get in to this Honors College then i would not need to. Anyway, when it comes to my much anticipated summer, I think I will be having two jobs; one for the day and one for the night. I have to help out with the expenses at home. I am no longer dependent. I am now INDEPENDENT. I am so much HAPPIER!

I have to go now. I just wanted to write the present events occurring.

-I feel good-

Embracing the changes seems hard, is it not? Well, for me it is. So many times I have asked myself about how come no matter how much I tell myself that I cannot let this or that happen, it still happens. I have no control of it whatsoever. Complains should have no place in my thoughts as I am already lucky to be alive with families and friends that loves me and cares for me. What else do I need? What else should I want? NOTHING! How much I would give just to be able to feel less, or if not, maybe just become little thick skinned. I am very emotional and I guess being like this is the reason for so many dramas in my life. It should not be like that. I must be happy with what I have. I will start today. =)

...:::... AP exams are coming and I have been reviewing ever since. I feel confident on getting a good score for Chemistry but the rest, God knows. I guess I can get a decent score for English Lit. and Human Geo. but Calculus and Physics are kind of hard to predict. When this is over, it will be so much better. Two weeks from now will be a breeze and then it is time for prom and graduation. I will surely miss my closest friends from high school. I hope that college will be so much better. I would love to meet new people and be able to adjust as well as become a little bit more sociable and not tend to only socialize with people I already know.

...:::... Anyway, yesterday night I had a chance to talk to an old friend a.k.a childhood crush Rem. I felt good reminiscing with him about the fun things we did back when we were kids. I am 19 ( almost) and he is turning 20 soon. How fast time flew and it just makes me realize that distance really does make the heart go fonder not ponder. ( this quote is a little confusing so I will explain later) I missed him so much and he said he is the same. He even thought I looked prettier. WOW. I blushed so much when he said that. I wish he could be here or that I could be over there. I just miss everybody in the Philippines. I hope I can go back in December.


Quote time!

" Distance makes the heart go FONDER."
- My interpretation for this is that when you part with someone significant in your life, you will miss them and cherish every moment you had with them. While you and that someone are apart from each other, your feelings does not change at all. Thus, it remains the same or better. As an example, Rem and I made up for the lost time by talking for hours last night and it was not enough, although, we surely did miss each other.

" Distance makes the heart go PONDER."
- Now this makes the difference. To ponder means to think, contemplate, to look within... People growing apart from each other are perfect examples for this. I cannot explain more.. It hurts me cause I fall in this quote category,if I may say.


But, as my life goes on, challenges will come and I know I will face each and ever single one with my chin up. I will fight it.

-Andrea-

KUYA JON! C-Bizkit Bro! YOU INSPIRE ME SO MUCH! this "notitle" note is from you and it is so touching! <3
Goodluck finding her! =)

Another morning, another year, another beginning, another you
Another excuse to face your fears, another heartwarming adieu
Another bittersweet romance, another scarring loss
Another day, another chance, another benefit exchanged from costs
Another night, another date, another nostalgic memory
Another fight, another wake, another moment in reverie

And perhaps in some other time, we'll meet each other once again
You and I will be reborn and hope to find another life to end
But for now enjoy this moment, wrapped in carnal winter scars
Let's sew the wounds back together, riding in forever's car
And if being on your own meant more than what I missed
Let's bind ourselves back together, and spend eternity in bliss

What does it mean to really care about someone? I learned this before, but I seemed to have forgotten.

But I remember now. It isn't necessarily what you want or what makes you feel good, or what they can do for you or what you do for them, but it's is wanting what's best for the other person. Putting yourself on the line for the sake of another. Even if it hurts you, you do what's best for the other person. Simply put- Self-Sacrifice.

My stand on what I believe is best for me, I've...never staggered from it, despite all this time and the let-down. The way I believe in it, just..stands, even if I've fallen.

You deserve the world. I'm sorry I couldn't give it. I just want you to find what's best for you. Even if it isn't us.