I do not really know how I am going to start this update. I really thought that I am fine now after all the contemplation I have done. Actually, I am not. I miss Paul dearly. If I could just turn back time and take every single thing I said back inside my head, refine it, and say it again. If I will be given another chance to talk to him again and meet him... I think I will change the way we were introduced.. I will change my attitude towards him.. set it on the right foot... start as friends and be friends until time decides of what will become of us. If I could just do all of that.. but I can't. Paul if you're reading this.. which i think you are not but still... I hope we could set things straight and be friends again. I am not happy that we never really talked again for some months now. I have so much questions.. if's and but's.. why's and how's.. I can't answer them myself.. I need help. I hate asking you please this..please that... and more please. I always seem to beg for something and I hate it. But anyway.. How are you? I know you said your life is repetitive, but I am sure there will be something new once in a while. How's work... school... how's life?
Last night I wanted to call cause I wanted to hear your voice. As usual, I brokedown again but this time I was crying inside so no one sees. I have been like this for a couple months... I am hopeless, am I not? You affected me so much.. and you are still affecting me somehow.. wait.. not somehow but greatly. I dream about you but they are all sad dreams.. You were always leaving in my dream..sometimes you had your back on me.. sometimes you smile and you leave.. and then I cry..always like that. Sometimes I wish I never met you, but if i hadn't, then my life would be less interesting. Do you agree? I miss you dearly. I really do.


..They say bad things happen for a reason.But no wise words will stop the bleeding...coz you've moved on and im still grieving..and when a heart breaks.. no.. it doesnt break even.. im barely breathing..

-Andrea-